He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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