Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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