areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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