Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
