It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
