so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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