I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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