Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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