I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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