i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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