We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
