So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
