If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
