I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
