I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
