I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
