Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
