alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
