Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
