I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
