If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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