anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Watching her eat just hurts me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
