this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
