dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
