i already hear my dad disowning me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
