O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
