3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
