I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
