I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
