im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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