Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
