All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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