What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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