So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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