i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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