I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
