Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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