I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
