don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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