TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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