I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
