Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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