He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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