; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
