I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
