woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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