sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
