Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
