How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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