ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
