Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
